Current mood:

uncomfortable

I will be assaulting you with my penis in 5...4...3...
Today, I thought I would regale you with a tale of love and intrigue...but I didn't have one of those, so you'll have to settle for the story of what happened during my morning commute.

The T was crowded, as it usually is by the time I get on, and I found myself standing in front of a woman who was sitting down. Nothing unusual about this. After a minute or so, however, she says something to me which I first hear as "could you step back some? I don't want your coughing in my face." The train was crowded, I had no room to step back without knocking somebody else over, and I consider this a pretty stupid request, so I simply ignored it (I hadn't done any coughing, either). After another moment this woman starts up again, but this time I hear what she actually says: "I really don't want your cock in my face. It's almost touching my bag. There's plenty of room to move back, get your cock away from me." Her bag was in her lap, which by-the-by means that my penis could not be both nearly touching her bag and also "in her face" (as it happens, it was neither). There wasn't any room for me to step back, despite what she thought, so I stepped to the side, although I didn't have too much room to do that either. At this point, however, it was quite a scene and I wasn't about to let people think I was some psuedo-molesterer caught in the act. So I told her, "You're nuts."

This led to quite the little speech from her about how she wasn't nuts, she was a woman, and that if I had a mother or sister they would feel the same way. I laughed, because it was hilarious. She called me a retard. I laughed again. At this point I was getting a few sympathetic eyerolls and looks from other people on the train, who also knew she was crazy. She shut up, then, and when she got off the train, I took her seat. And that's the story of how my day started.